(and what we can do to work on that)
At the start of most sessions, I ask my clients if there is anything they dislike about themselves that might bother them in pictures. For example, if you prefer your right side and I photograph you more from your left side, you might automatically hate those images, no matter how beautiful I think you are.
I once had a client respond that her images were fine, but she hates her chin, therefore she pretty much hates any of the photos her face appeared in. So, you know, all of them. It broke my heart, but I also understood it. I have a crooked, bumpy nose that I used to hate. I remember sitting next to the boy I was crushing on in middle school and making sure my hair always covered my profile.
The truth is, though, someone once told me there was something wrong with my nose. And…pretty much the whole way I looked. That is often the case with most people who hate themselves in pictures. Some lie from the past or the media has convinced you that you aren’t photogenic.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase – “I’m just not photogenic.” — well, I’d have ALL THE DOLLARS.
1 – You might hate yourself in pictures because someone made fun of how you look, either in person or in pictures.
Maybe someone commented on your weight, on your skin, on your teeth, or on your ankles — who knows. But someone implanted a lie that you are carrying around, thinking there is something wrong with you.
2 – You might hate yourself in pictures because you’ve never had anyone take the time to capture the real you.
Either you’ve never had a real photo session or you had one and the photographer struggled to connect with you. Connection is important. I can always feel it if I am having trouble connecting. This was harder in my earlier days, but I have had plenty of clients to work with, but you likely haven’t had another experience to practice connecting with the person who is trying to capture the essence of you.
3 – You might hate yourself in pictures because you use filters all the time.
If you use filters to make your eyes look bigger or your skin flawless, you could grow to hate how you actually look compared to the story the filter is telling you. I love filters as much as the next person, but I don’t look like that, and it only sets me back to present myself as flawless.
4 – You might hate yourself in pictures because you’re trying too hard to look a certain way.
Have you worked really, really hard on your so-called perfect portrait smile? I once did. But it wasn’t MY smile. When I first saw myself genuinely smiling in photos, I cringed. And yet…isn’t that the exact smile everyone else was seeing? People who love me saw that smile every day, and they didn’t love me less for it. The only person I was fooling with my fake portrait smile was myself.
So, how do we work on this for you?
Here’s the truth: you ARE photogenic. You’re just telling yourself a story that you’re not, most likely because someone else made you feel that way, and the more you tell yourself that story, the more you’re going to keep believing it.
Four things I have done to get more comfortable and accepting of myself that might work for you:
1 – Get in the picture more.
Just allowing your picture to be taken more regularly will help. Truly. Don’t hide. Take the selfies. Whatever it takes. Let yourself be in front of the camera.
2 – Ask yourself what happened that made you feel uncomfortable.
Get into a deep conversation with yourself (or a counselor, if necessary — yes, seriously) and try to think about what led to this feeling. Maybe it’s something someone said, or maybe it’s the worldview on beauty, but whatever it is, it’s worth exploring.
3 – Affirmations and inner work.
The more you grow to love and feel confident about who you are, the more you’ll feel confident in pictures.
4 – Work with a professional photographer.
A photographer who knows her stuff can work with you to bring out the real you, to show you just how amazing you are!
Your negative feelings about being in pictures won’t change overnight, but I encourage you to really think about it and explore the idea of growing to at least like yourself in pictures. You are beautiful, and you matter, and you should get in the picture, my friend.
